Some things never change

I cooked dinner for my family today. man was it hard work in this heat! Luckily they liked it. but as usual i cooked too much.

Anyway, i dont know why, but i suddenly wanted to read through my dairies that i wrote since young.

I wrote my journal religiously from 1997 to 2004. Just before i switched to the online version, Blogger, hahaha.. And reading it was so much fun. There were many instances when i cringed about stuff that happened or stuff that i said or how i reacted. but time and time again i just reminded myself that it is the past and reading any of these horrible parts doesn't change anything. if at all, they made me what i am today.

But there was a familiarity reading these many journal entries. i have a total of 7 books. all filled from page to page. each with a date and some even with drawings. whao... But some things never changed.

For one, I've always felt lonely. I always lose myself to self-pity. I guess this is a big wake up call. I promised someone last year that i will not pity myself anymore, and yes, i should really stop. Just cope and survive and live. it seems that no matter how many friends i have, i would still feel this way. perhaps the problem really lies with me.

Second, there was a reason why i said no. some things can be forgiven but not forgotten. seriously thankful i woke up to my senses. money cannot buy total forgiveness.

3rd, I whine, i always whine. but i also go do things. hmm.. strange right...

4th, i worry for my siblings. all the time.

5th, i still get irritated with my grandma's in-constructive nagging.

somethings never change, but now they have to.