feeling a little bit like shit.
"come back lah come back"
f***.. you were the one who encouraged me to stay on to work. now this. wtf do you want?
besides, i have already made up my mind.
"come back, so that you are close to me, i like my kids to be close to me. i worry when yo are overseas. also, you can guide YZ"
another F***.. As if we can be 'close' if i come back, you're always somewhere else anyway. and come back just for YZ? how about my career?
and how many times do you want to say this to me? like 10 times a day? i get your point already man. just cut it. besides, i've made up my mind, nothing can change it. i'm trying my best at IELTS and i'm going to get my PR. dont tell you that you wish that i'll flung it. you bastard.
finally, i spoke out, i told you, to understand that when you ask me to come back, you are asking me to leave a life i've built here in melbourne. where the majority of my friends are. where i am familiar. i told you, i will prob not stay here forever. but i want to work here for a while at least. Damn do i feel shitty. it's christmas eve and christmas day, and i am at home with my family. my friends are all out with their own friends, their colleagues. even my bf is with his own friends. No, i am not blaming any of you. what i'm trying to say is that i really do not have many friends here. Yet you say i am 'telling you off' when i told you this. wtf?
shit, this is damn depressing. sigh.. what happened to my motivational spirit?
nvm.. least i know i have good friends here. though not many. (and even though they haven't returned my smses) i have to socialize a little more. perhaps i should go to the dinner on sunday. though i may have to bite my lips the whole way to do it.
nvm, least i have my brother. sweet little boy has bigger biceps than me now.
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2 comments:
TIGHT HUGS NINGUS.
I'm glad you're much stronger inside. Call us whenever you need us :) If calling ain't good there's always gmail chat too ;) hehe..
see ya!
Ning - i actually totally understand what you mean. Life isnt always how we wish it to be. Sometimes we make choices and we have to be responsible for the choices we make. One friend once asked me why dont i just leave PNG. I have a choice. Though im not totally happy here (it feels like i left half my heart in melbourne), i know my heart still wont be complete if i go back to melbourne. One lucky thing for you is, you can still build up what you left behind in melbourne. Give yourself sometime!! Im sure you'll be singing a diff song in another 2 yrs. ;) Love you babe. Keep tight ok!!
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